Written on Christmas Eve Day 2016:
It's been a hard Christmas season. It's an understatement to say the election this fall knocked me on my ass. The outcome has continued to affect my mood as we moved through Advent and approached Christmas which to me has always been accompanied by feelings of comfort and joy. However, this year I've had a sense of foreboding as we reach Christmas and anticipate the New Year.
A man has been elected who makes thoughtless statements, often through tweets none-the-less, and many times contradicts what he says. If he doesn't contradict himself then those closest to him sometimes do. Recently he's tweeted very cavalierly that he wants to encourage a nuclear arms race. His statements about various minority groups have given me pause. Then there are his cabinet appointments as well.
On top of all this it's expected to rain on Christmas Day. Rain. On Xmas Day. In Minnesota. I don't remember when it's ever done that. Reason for concern? I think so.
Written on New Year's Eve Day 2016:
I'm sitting at Stogies on Grand smoking my final cigar of 2016. I'm looking over what I last wrote on Christmas Eve and I'm feeling a lot better. I'm still experiencing feeling of trepidation regarding what's coming in to Washingtonbut I'm starting to look at all of it as an opportunity for change although I believe there's going to be pain along the way. I had allowed myself to not think about all of it and to try to get through vacation. By Xmas Eve Day I couldn't block it out any longer. As I moved through the rest of the day, I believe the promise of Christmas began to unfold in a way it never had before for me. I found myself surprised like the Grinch in Dr. Seuss' book. The joy of the holiday showed up just the same. I dropped Dale off at Church early so he could rehearse for the Christmas Eve service. Around 6 p.m. I walked around a deserted downtown and was struck by the quiet. Once in a while someone would walk by, usually in the distance. It didn't feel much like Christmas as I walked through the grey desolation around me. Eventually though, I was taken over by a feeling of peace and hopefully anticipation as I looked forward to the Christmas Eve service.
When I walked into the church, the light and warmth and sight of people severely contrasted with the cold and grey desolation of the outside world. Emma B. greeted me with a hug and reminded me I was to play one of the three kings in the Xmas pageant which I had completely forgotten about. It turned out to be an informal yet lovely service. I really felt like I was surrounded by an island of light in the darkness considering my walk before the service. No, it was not lost on me how that feeling I was feeling may have been felt by a couple of displace Palestinians who were expecting a child. I want to believe they felt the feelings of comfort and hope on their Christmas Eve just as I did that night.
